All names and identifying details have been changed.
1. WEDNESDAY APRIL 23, 2020, 9:07 AM. LANGUAGE ARTS.
OK, is everyone ready to go over Yertle the Turtle? Ella, why is your hand up?
It was my Mom’s birthday yesterday.
Are you saying that is why you didn’t read Yertle the Turtle? Or are you just telling us it was your Mom’s birthday?
I’m just telling you.
2. WEDNESDAY APRIL 23, 2020, 11:03 AM. LANGUAGE ARTS, CONT.
All right, well I think I can see everyone now so we’re ready to get back to our reading JACKSON, PUT THE BALLOON DOWN. OK, can you all turn to page 3—JACKSON, THE BALLOON HAS TO BE COMPLETELY PUT AWAY. THIS IS NOT TIME FOR BALLOONS.
3. WEDNESDAY APRIL 23, 2020, 1:37 PM. MUSIC.
Over the sound of approximately thirty recorders being blown in an arbitrary fashion, a teacher’s voice can faintly be heard.
Oh, there, I just needed to turn on mute. Children, I am so sorry, but I don’t think we are going to be able to have our music class. I don’t know where Mr. D. is … you know, I think I forgot to email him the Zoom invitation. (sigh)
All right, I’m going to turn off mute and turn on the chat for 10 minutes.
For a few seconds there is a cacophony of recorders, squeals, and chattering. Amid the din you can make out a couple of voices piping up “some people are saying ‘shut up’ in the chat.”
(wearily) OK I’m going to have to turn off chat because some of you are not using it appropriately … I shouldn’t have to tell you that. This is school. Telling people to “shut up” is not how we talk in school. Remember the Golden Rule. If you don’t want people to tell you to shut up then don’t tell them to shut up. (pause) I know it’s not all of you, it’s just a few of you but now no-one gets to chat.
Keiko sweetie, I can see you’re writing in Chinese and that’s so so wonderful but I can’t understand what you’re saying.
4. THURSDAY APRIL 24, 2020, 9:09 AM. SCIENCE.
Good morning everyone. (sound of dog barking.) Someone’s not muted. (pause) Good morning class, I’m sorry not to see you in person but it’s good to see you on the Zoom. I see some of you have been using the chat. Let’s see. My God there’s 99 messages.
(Teacher begins scrolling through the messages.)
HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hi Ella Who said that 早 my sister woke up at 8.38 this morning. my hamster died. Hoos hamster? 生活
(Teacher interjects while scrolling.)
Micah honey, I’m so sorry about your hamster.
(Micah replies inaudibly)
No honey, I don’t think it’s anything you did, I think it was just too young to be away from its mother.
(Teacher continues scrolling through the Zoom chat window)
this is so boring. Fucky jucky I am the saddest person
(Teacher interjects while scrolling)
Ella sweetie, are you feeling sad about Micah’s hamster or is there another reason why you say you’re the saddest person?
(Ella replies inaudibly.)
(Teacher continues scrolling through Zoom chat window)
No I am I like music My guinea pig died four months ago. My dog is alive! I am not sad STOP BUZZING LIKE EXHAUSTED BEES My sister’s fish died last week. My mom had a lot of pets and they all died! Jaden cussed in the chat.
OK, I think I’ve read all the messages now so let’s look at Chapter 7 of Force and Matter. Oliver, is your hand raised?
My mom, or my grandma, I don’t remember, she had a dog, a cat, a bird, a turtle, AND THEY ALL DIED.
That’s a lot of pets and that’s the sad thing about pets, they don’t live as long as people and it is very sad when they die. OK, I don’t see any more hands raised so let’s get back to … I mean (laughs grimly), not get back to, let’s start Chapter 7 of Force and Matter.